Warning - angry post ahead - not my usual funny life - come back tomorrow for that!
Feeling a bit stressed. There are several things I have to deal with and well - I would rather stick my head in the sand and ignore them. Which I have been doing. Sadly I think I need to just deal with them. They are keeping me up at night and making me rather unhappy. Of course does anyone like dealing with stuff that hurts your feelings or makes you feel like crap?? Duh! No of course not - hence why I have been shoving it under the rug for the last 6 months.
So now I have to take it all out and figure out what I am going to do to make me feel better! Honestly I don't even know where to start! In a matter of weeks last spring I lost my job, lots of my friends, and my church. I am angry at the people who turned me into the scape goat for all their $^&#. I don't think I am perfect - far from it. I apologized where I was wrong(as in any conflict there usually are errors on both parties part) - and my apology was thrown back in my face and then a bit of salt was thrown in the wound and rubbed!
I am glad I don't live in the same town as my old friends as I hate running into people and making happy small talk when really I want to flip them the bird. It isn't nice and it isn't right. I am mad at them, I am mad at people who believe them and I am mad at Christians in general. I don't doubt God or who he is. But I am having a problem uniting the people I know with the God I know.
The truth of the matter is I am angry, really angry. Yet there is no one to direct my anger at - other than myself and trust me that hasn't been going so well. I know that although a lot of what happened sucked - there were some good things. I lost my job - but I still had my other one - and I totally love it. I lost lots of friends - but were they ever really my friend? No they weren't they used me for what I could do to help them, and I lost my church - and it may have improved now but it was one messed up place and I am grateful that I am no longer there.
Well that is all the soul searching I can handle for now - off to You Tube to watch Russel Peter's clips and live in denial a bit longer.
4 comments:
Russell Peters...yesss! He is hilarious, I hope he helps you to feel better. I'm going to email you...even though I don't know you...I'm still going to email you!!
i am sorry you are upset. it sucks. it's good you are not basing "christianity" on "christians". we fall short. all of us.
hope you sort your feelings out, and can enjoy the fun things to come!
Hey EJ
Although I don't know your exact situation, I can relate to a lot of the anger you are talking about. Anger and unforgiveness and feelings of injustice can build up till you feel like you'll explode and it takes such a root in your heart. I have been struggling with that myself over Christians who have really hurt and shunned us. It is easier not seeing those people...and I am always having to ask God for the grace to forgive them and for Him to restore justice. It is hard though when our emotions take over. Just keeping asking for His peace and maybe talking to others might help too. Hope that this helps and doesn't sound too "preachy".
I LOVE YOU
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