Most friends and family know our story about getting pregnant with J-man. So skip right over this one if you don't want to hear about it again :)Infertility is such a hard thing. Unless you've been there you have NO idea what it is like. We are a group of people who are linked by the fact that our "parts" are on display for multiple doctors and specialists. They poke, prod and give us hope or crush our dreams.
If you don't have enough money for treatments you are out of luck. Adoption is a hard process too - again involving money.
When we started trying to conceive(ttc) we thought it would be easy - after all we've been preventing it for years. Weren't we all suppose to be mega fertile women - those eggs just ripe for the sperm pickin??
It seemed all our friends were getting big fat positives(bfp) on the pee sticks. Baby showers and ultra sound photos became my own personal hell. Stupid comments like 'it will happen when it's meant to be" or "hold a baby, it'll make you more fertile" I mean honestly if it was a like a scratch and sniff I'd have tons of babies by now. Some people also got on their high horses "treatment for fertility is against God's wishes" Give me a break! When someone had Cancer do you say to them 'Well I guess it is God's plan for you to die young???' No of course you don't. Medical knowledge is a wonderful thing. It can help us in so many ways. Why do some people think that treating infertility is different from treating any other type of problem.
I've had dye shot through my tubes(nothing like screwing a medal rod into your cervix to really brighten the day), I've had a camera inside my uterus(don't ask how it gets there), they hacked a piece out of my uterus(yup that hurt like hell), they've given me medicine to make me ovulate(I thought my poor ovaries were going to pop right out my sides), and lastly they pumped me full of air and burned off bits of endometriosis on my uterus and ovaries(again you don't want to know how this was done). I also found out I had a thyroid disease and anti-bodies that could kill any baby I did manage to conceive, but I'd have to miscarry once or twice before they'd give me any medication to stop the antibodies. Then I was told I had a 3-5 % chance of having a baby.
Being a mom was something I had always wanted. So being told that it was possible that it wouldn't happen for awhile if ever was heart breaking(esp. when everyone else was a Fertile Mertile). Dealing with infertility has been shown to induce the same level of stress as a cancer diagnosis. I was STRESSED!! I was also getting depressed. I knew we had to stop doing the treatments(the ones we could afford) by the end of the year or I would be in a padded room. I had begun the grieving process. I was grieving that I may not have a baby, that I may never have children, and that if I would need to find a new non-kid social circle - at least for a while. We planned to adopt but it would take us several years to save up the money for this(30-40K isn't easy to come by). We were going to try 3 cycles with IUI. Of course after giving me the medication to make those eggs pop pop pop - the Dr. went on holidays so it was cancelled.
Then we were blessed with a second line. A BFP! J-man was born a bit early and had nasty jaundice but other than that the perfect baby. We feel very blessed to have been given such a wonderful son. Some day he'll tell me off and be embarrassed to be seen at the mall with his mother. Right now I am enjoying his cranky yelling while his molars come through! Does he frustrate me some days - yup, yup, yup. Do I ever miss sleeping in, or going off on a last minute trip? Yeah but J-man is worth so much more than all that.
I recently found a blog that gives the honest truth about infertility. It is honest! It's name - Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters If you've been there you'll find the name funny. Don't judge fertility issues. Support those who are there. It is not easy. Lastly if you have been there or are there - wear the thread (read about it on the blog)
Okay I think that is the longest post I have ever written - sound the alarms!
3 comments:
good post E. Its such a hard road, and unless you've been there, there's not much to say. It took us 1.5 yrs to get my middle child. The first and third were "woops! and oh WOW!"
I found your blog through Jamie's. Wow - quite a blog post. i can't sympathize with you, but it obviously sounds like it was challenging. so glad to hear you were blessed with a beautiful little guy! he's sooo cute! Just wanted to say thanks for sharing that story!
Oh Horray that you found that site! I see you must have found it from Baby Odyssey. I too read that blog and find it heart wrenching. It is so eye opening for those of us who haven't had miscarriages or probs ttc. So glad I could be of service to you. Thanks for your honesty with this post. I drank in every words. You are a lucky one of the bunch. It seems the heartache of intertility is rampant and for many, a dream that will never come true. I'm so glad I found links to those blogs since I believe everyone should be educated about these issues that affect SO MANY women. Again, thank you for this post.
Post a Comment