I am feeling a bit cranky today (PMS) Everything is pissing me off. Firstly had a crazy day at work - completed with screaming lady and a jammed cash machine. Nothing like having no cash for people when you work at a credit union! Tomorrow is a Friday(Busy) before a long weekend(crazy) at the end of the month(insane!!!) and as a side bonus the last day to pay property taxes(get me a padded room!) So tomorrow I will be cross eyed by the end of the day and seeing spots.
We are thinking of moving, so I was talking to my mom tonight. As with any kind of change she was a black hole of negative thoughts sucking me in. Got off the phone in a total melt down - are we making the right decision, should we stay where we are, what kind of house can we get? Why can't she just be supportive? Ahhh parents! Sure point out all the options but stop projecting your fears onto my life.
Then I read L's blog about not working and it made me sad that I can't stay home with J all the time. Yet I love working(even when there is no money for people and a screamer on the phone!). I would lose my mind without work. I work approx. 15 hours a week(3 shifts) and J loves his daycare. I am working right now on a promotion to admin to work in the Loans department. I want to be more - I didn't spend 7 year in college and university for nothing. Then I started feeling guilty because I like working - which is stupid(I know - J's happy, I am happy what more can you ask for?)
So I am tired, hungry(I want chocolate ice cream!) and feeling like no matter what I do someone is going to tell me I stink! Yes this pity party is a nice way to spend the evening. The song Refiners Fire is going through my head. Isn't it just great to be in the fire??? I would like to get out now. Trial and tribulation - they make us better people but it sure is rough when you are walking it(especially when there seems to only be one set of foot prints in the sand).
Okay enough meloncoly - time for some happy times!
3 comments:
oh Erin, whats best for you and your fam, is not whats best for all. Its working great for you, you are happy, Jacks happy, STOP feeling guilty! You are a good mom! And don't let negative thinkers bring you down.
Firefighter Mother here and I was not being negative just giving you time to think it out and hear other views---sometimes people jumps at change and it works and sometimes it is good to mull it for awhile! Whatever you choose to do, think about it......and dont tell me. I can live with that. Now, about work-----I stayed home and it was too much for me---just personal experience here. I needed some interaction with adults and different challenges. We are all different. Do what is best for you and stop listening to anybody or everybody and listen to yourself. Okay!!!! Create a life and make it the best one you can.
Mooma aka my mother chill - I love you and you are great. I am going to have to post a big happy blog about you soon.
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