What is normal?

J-man has been a handful the last few weeks. He is really testing me ;-) Today he was splashing in a puddle after I told him not to (as I knew if his feet got wet he'd have a melt down and I didn't have a change of shoes or socks with me). I was quite exasperated with him and my tone of voice portrayed that. A mother near-by gave me a snarky look. I wanted to punch her(yup I am a violent women - LOL).

J-man looks like a 'normal' child but he isn't one. His sensory issues result in some very difficult behaviour. So yes I get frustrated and use an unkind tone sometimes. I am not proud of it but I doubt there is any mother out there that hasn't lost it a time or two. J is a handful - he doesn't understand language the way most kids do. He gets extremely over stimulated and then he tunes out. He doesn't like new things, and all this is quite tiring - for both of us.

Teaching him new skills takes more time and patience than you could ever imagine. An example of this is potty training. We have been at this for over a month now and honestly there is very little improvement. My carpets will need to be replaced after this ;-) I knew going into it that this would be a long battle. I expected it. I secretly hoped he'd jump in with both feet. But that didn't happen. I know we are making progress. But it is very slow(almost non-existent). Like all things for him - one day it will click and he'll have it down pat. I keep hoping that, that day will be today.

Today was especially discouraging as we had some nasty clean ups. Screaming and crying on his part, gagging and frustration on mine. One accident was so messy I had to hose him off with the shower head(which he hates) - sorry about the tmi there ;-) I try to wipe him up with wipes but occasionally it is just too bad and into the shower we go. For some reason the shower head freaks him right out so I try and avoid it. Now if I thought that hosing him off would help him learn quicker - I'd hose him off every day. But the truth is he freaks out - and I mean FREAK out. There is no learning or understanding going on. He is in full panic mode. After he is cleaned up and dried off I usually try and talk with him about where we go to the bathroom, and why we have to hose off if we go in our pants. Does any of it sink in? Who knows.

I love my little man more than I could ever write or convey. There is nothing I wouldn't do for him. I know why it was such a road to conceive him. God was preparing us to be his parents. I don't ask why did we get a child that has problems? He is our miracle baby. What I ask for is patience, and love. I ask for help, I ask for peace. I ask for a time out for me. He is a difficult child to raise but not a difficult child to love.